Losing My Mind

I wrote a long, awesome blog post, and forgot it at my house. Now in the internet cafe, they have had the same song on repeat for an hour straight.

5 minutes left on my time, I'm definitely going crazy.

On Bravery

When I was in America, I sometimes felt like when I was talking to people, it was difficult to explain what my life is like here in Malawi- I think the term ‘ships passing in the night’ applies here- no matter how hard I tried, I don’t think I was able to get my point across, and it isn’t that my friends and family didn’t try to understand my stories, it’s just that the way people live here is so different, that without any point of reference it is impossible for us to understand each other. I guess the thing that bugged me the most about it was that I seem to get credit for living in a place for 2 years where people live their entire lives. People live here, raise their children here, fall in love, have dreams, tell jokes and have spats with neighbors. It isn’t always a happy sunshine type life, but what is?

A lot of people have the idea that Peace Corps volunteers are brave, but really, that’s not bravery, it’s something else maybe, but whatever it was that compelled me to choose to come here needs another name. Bravery is when you face something that is bigger than yourself, and you know that you can lose, but you do it anyway.

Right now, my Uncle Kenny is very sick. I found out about this when he wrote me a letter about his golf game, which has been slipping. Two and a half typed pages later, he nonchalantly mentioned that perhaps the reason behind this is because of his Chemo treatments. Here’s the thing about Uncle Kenny, he doesn’t let himself get depressed, or maybe it isn’t even something he has to block out- maybe that’s just how he’s wired. I can just imagine him talking to the doctor about his treatment plan, and mentally taking notes about how he’ll have to change his tee time. That’s just the kind of guy he is. In his own words:

“But hey, this is the Dude. I have been knocked down. Used to get knocked down playing football in high school all the time. So what do you do when you get knocked down? What do you mean what do you do? You get up off your butt and get back after it. That’s what I am doing… My handicap has gone up from a 6 to a 9 but what the heck. The upside is that I don’t have to give Uncle Tommy as many strokes as last year. See, look for the upside.”

I often get homesick, but this is different, in a time like this, single days mean more, and I wish I could be home so that I could be with my family, but I know that if I could talk on the phone right now with Uncle Kenny, he’d tell me to stay here in Malawi, and make good on my promise to my community, and that he’ll be up and golfing in no time. I hope so.

Maybe someday I’ll have to find out if I’m brave, but not if I’m lucky. I love you Uncle Kenny. Get better.

Beeb.

sidenote: Uncle Kenny totally looks like Colonel Alistair MacDonell of Glengarry

Back to Work

Those of you who know me know that I worry- I worry a lot. Well, I'm happy to say that all of my worried about coming home were baseless. My student took great care of my house *AND* kept a detailed record of all the household expenses so there would be no problems when it came to paying him- I'm proud of the kid. My house is still standing (albeit crawling with ants- oh rainy season, how I missed you).

My dog is still alive, though a bit worse for wear, she had her pups when I was gone and is skinny as a rail at the moment because all of her energy is going towards making milk for her babies- also, apparently she was bit by a snake on her leg one day after they were born while she was going out to feed them at whatever strange place she gave birth to them. The wound is not infected or anything, but it is pretty gnarly- I don't want to gross anyone out *cough cough, Mom, cough* but she was bit on the part of her leg below what I learned in Coach T's class was her heel, and I can see her tendons. She has let me clean it and bandage it though, so hopefully it will heal. You know, I'm actually pretty happy my student was watching my house while she had her pups, because he knew what to do- he followed her out to the hidey hole she gave birth in, brought the pups back to my house, and then he even put ant poison outside of the storage room they are in, because I guess ants can swarm newborn puppies and kill them. Hector, for her part, seems to have grown up a lot- I'm a little sad my bouncy dog is gone, but I guess she's just concerned with eating and nursing, I think she's a good mom, as far as dogs are concerned. Her puppies are nice and fat, there are four boys and one girl, which in Malawi, is ideal, since people prefer male dogs. My head teacher already asked for one (he recently had a break in too).

Otherwise things are getting back to normal. I had a huge pile of exams to grade when I got to work today, but the grading is going quickly, I think that the change in weather is making it easier since it is much cooler now. One of my kids defined the word 'library' as 'the place where books are stolen'- I think he meant to say 'stored', but it made me laugh all the same.

Shout out to Megan & Thom, who sent me a package ages ago that I didn't get until just now, the summer sausage inside was an amazing choice. Also, I got an outstanding package from Alice who blew me away by sending an entire bag of Oreos. I cried a little. Berrios, I used the book you got me today in my Form 1 class, so Yewu, and last but not least- I finally, after many trials and tribulations, received my package from Gracie. I haven't opened it yet since I still have to bike back home after this, but I will proudly wear the world map coat to my training next week, and all of my Peace Corps friends will be jealous.

Love you all!

beeb